Updated: Jul 3, 2019
I am the blessed mother of a 15-year-old boy. When I was expecting my son, I was literally crippled with fears about not being a good enough mum and the impact I would have on this unborn child. We bring into the world innocent, dependent, trustful little beings. Our role is to help them grow into wise, independent, compassionate humans. Our children do not belong to us. Our children are there to teach us more than we actually teach them. This has become very clear over the past months.
When my son was younger, the learning was more about the mirror; he reflected back to me who I was, how I was reacting to life in the most honest, open yet compassionate way! It was challenging and easier than the phase we have been in for a few years now. It was more comfortable as he needed me! My ego was being nicely fed as well as my need for love and acceptance. I was his reference point and his "go-to" person. And I needed this to find my feet as a parent, to grow and feel empowered in the world's most challenging job. What is challenging when you become a parent there is no user manual for this new being, you need to learn, adapt, trust your instincts and let go of your previous identity to embrace this new definition of you; the mother, the father, the parent.
The phase we are in now is about letting this human go, watching him fly with his own wings and trusting that what I as a mother and we as parents have given him will be enough to get him through what I recall as being the toughest most challenging years of human development. And this is tough yet in so many ways rewarding. Rewarding as the relationship we are developing is one of trust and open communication.
As my son blossoms into a loving and caring young man. I have had to learn that he does not wait until I am ready before taking the next step towards independence. He moves at his pace, not at mine. Which I promise is a good thing as my letting go pace is ultra slow! I wanted to hold on to the baby, the toddler, the child, and now I want to hold on to the teenager, and he keeps going. Lately, the centre of his universe has shifted to his friends, girlfriend, and the communities he belongs to (sports, school, etc.). So what is this learning I refer to in the title? What is my son's and ultimately, our children's most significant teaching? .... LETTING GO.
Like most things in life, this is a cycle. A cycle of learning a new way of being a mother, a father, a parent and letting that go. A cycle of learning to adapt and respond to the individual needs of a growing, developing human and letting go as these needs change and evolve. Letting go of the idea, the image we create of who we think we are or would like to be as parents and re-entering the cycle with a new definition.
Letting go is a critical theme in any self-development journey, and in many ancient traditions, there Is a strong belief that the source of dis-ease lies in our difficulty to let go.
I am leaving you with a beautiful, powerful mantra! One that touches my heart deeply.
Om Namah Shivaya Gurave Saccidananda Murtaye Nisprapancaya Shantaya Niralambaya Tejase Om
I open my heart to the power of Grace That lives in us as goodness That never is absent and radiates peace And lights the way to transformation